Who I am.

Taking a step back from my 31 Days. I thought I blogged what I ran across.

Who I am.

Who am I? I don’t know precisely but I feel like I’ve been coming close to knowing.  The first word that seemed to pop up inside my head is that I am a free spirit.

Dictionary Version:

What is a free spirit?

One who is not restrained (not kept in check or held back; not in control), as by convention or obligation; a non-conformist.

A person who is not constrained by convention as in lifestyle or dress.

Someone acting freely or even irresponsibly.

Synonyms: Free liver- someone who gratifies physical appetites with more than usual freedom.

The negative views and definition somewhat surprised me.  Made me feel like I didn’t connect with what they were saying or that I didn’t want to connect with such an ‘irresponsible’ person.

So I cancelled that out.  Maybe I’m a rebel I’ve been called and recognized as much before.  So again I went to define it.

Rebel-

Resisting treatment or control; unruly (difficult or impossible to discipline, control, or rule.)

Another negative and I had the impression being a rebel was a person with great immaturity.  You see teenagers being labeled as such.   I didn’t feel immature.  I didn’t feel like I was impossible to discipline I’m actually a good student, listen to my parents (sometimes), and never been in fight (physically) or suspended.  Yes, I decided what rules I wanted to follow but I wasn’t without compromise.

After this I felt bad, I felt like I should change who I was but it’s hard to change something that’s ingrained inside.  I don’t always choose to go against the grain, I sometimes react involuntary.

It’s a reflex reaction to get angry with rules I don’t understand or that are made selfishly for them to gain.  It’s reflex to get this stifling, claustrophobic feeling deep in the pit of my soul and stomach.  My hearts starts aching and race, my hands shake; I want to run then, I want to leave, I need to do something.

If I can’t get out at that point I either do one of three actions, I try to talk to the person and have them clearly explain to me their reason for this rule.  Or I shut down, stay quiet, and my energy dwindles down until I can find a way out. Or I rebel.  I poke holes in the rules presented to me.

Also, what tends to happen is the rule maker becomes an enemy that I do not care for, at all.  I’ve had people take the same teacher before me and ask me why I don’t like them.  It’s not until I look deep and analyze the situation that I can say why I don’t like him or her.  The rules.

I backed slowly away from being labeled a rebel and went back in search of free spirit.  Finally I reached a blog where I could see some good in being a free spirit.

The blog’s is called The Practical Free Spirit and ran by Amy Sundberg.  I felt like I related very much to what she was saying especially her definition of a free-spirit

• A free spirit thinks for himself, observing and collecting data in order to form his own opinions
• A free spirit isn’t generally swayed by arguments of what one is ‘supposed to do.  She tends to avoid, ignore, or become upset by people who are judgmental or controlling.
• A free spirit often has her own unique vision of life and the world.

Check out the rest of her definition here.

Finally, something to be proud of! A definition that clarifies what I think and now know a free spirit to be.

Nor are all free spirits incapable of compromise and discussion.  They aren’t inherently flighty or irresponsible or train wrecks on wheels.

This was a wonderful post and there were many of the comments that I related to as well:

Rocks

Interesting point of view. I’m inclined to agree with almost all the views presented.

I consider myself a free-spirit. The basis of the person I am is one is always free and has a choice to be who they are without fear of anything. There are many social rules we have to abide by however a free spirit acknowledges them but still choose to interpret them so that they don’t constrain them.

I have been intrigued even by my mortal self. I’m stylish but I choose not to be a prisoner of fashion for me it is the best way to express my persona and personality. I’m spiritual however I find the group therapy of church constraining as people interpret the bible readings to fit personal agendas that sometimes feels judgmental to make others feel guilty about their individualism. Imagine a world where a temple of God was in our hearts.

I can go on and on, about a free spirit.  In a nutshell free spiritness is a choice premised on one’s ability to detach from outcomes and to live life without fear. This is done with compassion, understanding and love for fellow man.

 

I agree with the church opinion.  I feel that’s why I’ve moved away and became more spiritual.

This made me embrace both words despite what the world thought of them.  I feel like I found one word to describe me on top of the countless things I am and I feel proud.  My name is Quanisha McGruder and I am a free spirit with some rebellious ways. Nice to meet you.

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~I.L.U*

Quanisha