This will be a Behind the Madness post. Behind the blog and a glance into the mundane world outside the Creativity Forest. Beyond the blog but what influenced me in 2017. So here’s my open letter to you and a brief reflection time on how 2017 served me.
In the beginning of 2017, I was determined to write more to unleash the drafts I had and the many starts that did not get finished. I was so pumped. I had a bit more time on my schedule and longer commutes that I would spend coming up with all these ideas. I wanted to do a better job of blogging than 2016.
In 2016 I completely missed October Madness, I did not want to do that again.
But death happened. Two. And I had to spend my free time dealing and riding through the waves of grief. I also was traveling a lot then working more to make up for the traveling. Free time was thrown out of the window.
By summer I caught a breath. I was functional again. I was adjusted enough that I could get back to what I love the most, writing.
Then as I was beginning to balance writing and life, my fear of perfection heightened. I have so many good short stories and novels that I would get going then psyche myself out of it. Like how do I think I’m going to pull this off? Is this even a good idea?
Sitting and writing the short stories, I would get to a part and be looking at darkness. So I would leave it for a couple days and then it would be added to the pile of unfinished stories.
Another thing that happened was that I stopped having magical dreams. I tend to have dreams so dramatic that credits ran at the end of one. I didn’t daydream either. I couldn’t solidify myself in the worlds I used to like playing in.
So I switched my focus to better help and continue writing anything. I focused more on posts that were more mundane driven. Like my inspirations, photography, movie reviews, and short snippets of a story. I enjoyed those posts and they were very easy to write.
I didn’t need to be too perfect. I didn’t have to hang onto the fear. I knew the fear, I had faced it before. I knew I could do it again.
In the fall, October Madness was my greatest accomplishment to myself.
I made it through the whole month. I posted. I enjoyed myself. I had ideas flying left and right. Although, I didn’t really finish or post the short story that I had been working on. I did it. I didn’t let the weight of fear hold me back.
Now towards the end of the year, I was fed inspiration. I was able to find a nice exercise that I started that I could figure out how to ground myself back into my imagination. I also gained a better work schedule.
It started working. I could see the Creativity Forest again. The fear was there but this was a start. So was the suggestion and push from Muse to read again. Pick up the book and get to the end of the book. Daydream again. Create the magickal world in my everyday life. Believe. Believe in yourself again.
Every day, I get a bit better. I focus more. I try not to obsess as much and let go of the pressure I put on myself. In 2018, I am happy to walk into it with a swagger and confidence in myself. Growth and grounding is imminent.